I have to get married
She sat down nervously; she had one more question.
‘Do I have to get married, pastor?’
I didn’t expect that question, especially not from Grace. As far as I know, she is one of the most serious visitors to the Bible class. Many deep questions have already been fired at me by her, but this one... ‘Do I have to get married?’ My Dutch-oriented brain immediately starts to draw conclusions. Is she pregnant?
First, let’s ask a few more questions.
‘Are you expecting a child?’ ‘No, not at all.’
‘Do you have a boyfriend?’ ‘No, but I do have a suitor. My church thinks I should marry him.’
‘Do you love him?’ ‘No.’
‘Do you actually want to get married?’
With wide eyes, ‘No, not at all!’
‘But why are you asking me if you have to get married?’
With even wider eyes, ‘But pastor, doesn’t the Lord say that you must first marry a man before you want to have children?’
Oh yes, of course. Is that what she means?
‘Yes, that’s certainly true! So you don’t long for a man, but you do long for children?’ She looks at me in surprise. ‘You have to get children, God says so Himself, right? I long to do God’s will!’
Slowly I get an idea of the questions behind the question and we start talking about the role of a woman, having children and marriage. We turn to 1 Corinthians 7, where Paul explains that there are people with the gift of abstinence and the gift of use within marriage.
For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.
I explain to Grace that that which is written in the Old Testament, Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, is given a new dimension in the New Testament, Go ye therefore, and teach all nations. The earth is filled with nations, but not yet with the Gospel. That is why Paul has such a special place for men and women who do not have that ‘burning’ desire for a life partner.
But what if there is a desire to have children? We open Mark 10 together – God’s Word contains so many answers!
And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's, but he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.
Together with Grace, I try to derive a specific lesson for her from these verses. ‘Having children for the sake of the Gospel’, what can that mean? Marriage is not an obligation. In fact, Paul encourages people with the gift of abstinence to remain unmarried. Which children are meant here? ‘Aren’t there so many children here who are wandering around lost, Grace? Could you perhaps do something to help pass on God’s Word?’ She looks at me, visibly relieved. ‘I already do that, pastor! I already have a group of children from my neighbourhood with whom we sometimes get together.’
After a heartfelt conversation, she walks home encouraged an hour later.
She doesn’t have to marry a man to obey the Lord.
Job Bolier
